I made a promise to God—or the Universe or the Creator or Life itself—that if I made it out of the misery of lack and loneliness that I would use my life to share with others how I did it.
I became a runaway at age 15, yet occasionally I would come back home like a stray cat, so I suppose I was a runaway and a runback: an in-and-outer. Either way, I was a lost soul.
A couple of years later, I had an awakening at a young age when my father shared with me, very privately, the story of his near death experience, something that was not openly talked about in the 70’s when it happened to him, nor in 1990 when he told me about it. Hearing of my dad’s near death experience was my near life experience. I had been suffering from dejection, emotional and financial insecurity, and chronic depression; now I had a spark of hope that there was something more, and a reason for living.
My half-homeless existence continued for years and I was in a ‘functional depression’; I went to school, and later to work, nearly everyday, and hid my pain well. That is, until I got to the moment when I really lost everything.
In 2001, I checked myself into the psych ward of the hospital for three weeks. I had just ended a passionate yet violent and tumultuous relationship and was hopeless about life and love, both broke and broken in every way possible, my bills were stacked up in a shoebox, my car had just been repossessed, and I was desperately unfulfilled.
Surprisingly, that wasn’t the worst of it. I hit a different kind of rock bottom—an empty and passive low—on New Year’s Eve 2006 and wrote my own suicide note. I was beyond wailing out loud; silent tears rolled down my cheeks. “Please help me. I’m so alone,” I whispered to myself, or perhaps to God, or whoever or whatever could stop my grief. My heart ached. It actually ached with fear. Fear I would never be happy. Fear I would always be uncompanionable and alone. Fear I would lose my job and not be able to get by. Fear I’d be stuck in my comatose job another day. Fear I would not make it through the night alone.
Yet, I did make it through that night. That distant spark of hope for something more both sustained and haunted me, and somehow I fought to pull myself up and then wrote in my journal, “I am going to drill through the rock of this tomb and tell you all how I did it.”
I dedicated myself to self-discovery and to write about my journey, sketching out theories, and sharing the philosophy of what I starting referring to as Viral Energy.
That same year I took a quantum leap and soon changed everything, starting with the very meaning and purpose of my life. Then, I bounced my ideas off of the best doctors of psychology and psychiatry and quantum physics—formally interviewing them and confirming what I knew to be true because I felt it for myself. I have learned so much, the hard and long way.
In this process, I found my purpose and a system of creation energy at work in life; deploying this knowledge has brought me happiness beyond my dreams. Now I am sharing the magic of viral energy with you.