So, do you want to know how I ended up in the Loony Bin? It’s a viral energy story if you’ve ever heard one. It was a negative virality collision, the perfect storm of violence meets empathy, the aligning of destiny’s burnout stars. And it was the first year that I started noticing and journaling about the contagious properties of creation energy and humanity’s primal thirst for power. And most significantly, how the former impacts the latter.
I recall it was 2000 or early 2001. I was driving in my slick new silver Chevy Malibu with light grey leather seats, a leased vehicle that would be repossessed in the dark of night in about two months or so, but I didn’t know it then. A talk radio station was on and they were running the news. “A five-month-old German Shepard puppy was dragged behind a pickup truck on a Toronto highway yesterday. The owner, who tied the dog behind the vehicle, says that he was angry with the puppy for chewing the man’s shoes. Other motorists saw the incident and numerous calls were placed to authorities. The puppy suffers severe injuries and the county Humane Society is considering a risky two leg amputation, yet sources report that euthanasia is most likely, due to the extent of the wounds. Per Ontario law, no criminal charges have been filed against the owner and he has been given a $500 fine,” the news voice said, and then moved to the next story. I was emotionally leveled and had to pull over.
Some time later, a petition was circulated by the Society For Cruelty To Animals and the laws were strengthened to provide Ontario judges with increased maximum penalties for the crime of ‘cruelty to animals’ providing for up to a ten-thousand dollar fine and up to ten years in prison. I participated in the petition, gathering signatures, and searching the depths of my soul to try to understand why anyone would want to hurt an innocent animal, and what could possibly deter them from doing it again in the future. I knew that stronger penalties was not the real fix and it wouldn’t stop someone if they were inclined to abuse. I soon got an education on abuse, and I think that in the end I got my answer.
I had been dating a guy, Brad, who I loved more than he loved me, or was able to. I desperately wanted him to love me back and I made excuses for much of his bad behavior. He was adopted and he feared rejection from women, a wound that he reminded me of each time that I threatened to break up with him. But I didn’t want to lose him, all that I really wanted was to love the brokenness from him. That is, until I found him in bed with his nineteen year old neighbor. Yes, I actually walked into his house and caught them in the act. I ended it with him on the spot. This time I had no choice. I had gone to his house that night to tell him that I was pregnant. Instead, on my way out I left an ultrasound image on his table in the kitchen that I helped him paint, sky blue, like his eyes.
Over the next two months, Brad broke into my ground floor apartment three times, drunk, and each time his violence escalated. It was the second time that I managed to dial 911 while Brad had my phone cord wrapped around my neck, choking the breath from me. “You’re such a fucking bitch! Were you with another guy tonight? Who dropped you off? Do you think I’m fucking stupid!?” he yelled in my ear with the force of a lion, “If the police come you’ll be fucking sorry, Penny.”
The police did come, and I was sorry. The next week I had an abortion.
A few days later Brad broke into my apartment again, this time through my bedroom window while I was sleeping, easily bending open the window bars that my dad had installed after the last incident. I woke up to a real life nightmare and in a blink I was on the hall floor and Brad was holding a fist full of my hair from the back of my head, forcing my left cheek against the tile and holding me down with the weight of his chest on my back. I looked around for something to grab. I could feel the winter air barrel through the open bedroom window and I could see my sweet cat, Sabrina, watching with her frightened doe look. She’s a cat that doesn’t have a mean bone in her body. I had rescued her from a life on the streets and she too had been abused. I called for her to run. She did.
My next-door neighbor, Glen, called the police that night. He was my landlord, a heavyset fifty-something man who spent most of his adult life in a wheelchair because he was paralyzed from the waist down from a gang fight when he was young. The day before, he told me, “If that son-of-a-bitch comes back, I’ll crack him over the head myself with my baseball bat.” The bat went everywhere Glen went and was tucked at one end into the arm of his wheelchair with the handgrip end resting across his limp right knee.
After that, I spent the better part of a month interned in a psychiatric hospital. It didn’t cure my depression, but it gave me a break from months of trauma. It was a solitary experience, patients mostly kept to themselves and stared blankly as thought their spirits were traversing some other land, maybe they were replaying their memories, or maybe they were just throughly dosed with Diazepam, Zoloft and Paxil so that they couldn’t think at all, and that was the point. For me, it was like a good long meditation. I wanted to know why some people hurt others. What kind of person would harm an animal? What benefit did Brad get from asserting his force over me? I believed with every cell of my body that there was more to it than what the psych ward doctors had explained to me. And I could see it in their eyes too, they knew that they didn’t have the answers. I wrote my thoughts in my journal. I sketched diagrams of a great struggle for power where the energetically depleted person sucks energy from the less physically powerful. A cycle was emerging, and it had everything to do with viral energy.
To reference my milkshake analogy, a kink in a person’s straw will leave them starving. Some people are pinched off from Life’s magical force due to a massive energy interference like a past hurt or their fears. Their unconscious self is a monster, an energy-empty monster and it wants to survive. To do this it needs to find energy outside of itself. It’s a predator and it finds vulnerable and easy targets. The monster is on level with the lower energies and tend to affirm more of them. They are thirsty for personal power and they want yours.
Remember, you can’t live without personal power, none of us can, it’s your energetic presence. This is the vibrational level that your being’s energy resonates in, the strata of your personal energy, and therefore the presence that you bring to your life and the life around you. It’s part of the human experience to struggle for this energy source, that is, at this stage in our evolution. This is the era of our spiritual evolution and we are awakening to viral energy, and ultimately will be re-membered with our sponsoring light energy, the mother of all light.
The pitfall for individuals like Brad and the man in Toronto with the puppy tied to the back of his pickup truck, is that the abuser has not learned a better way to gain good energy. For them, accessing low and heavy viral energy is learned and habitual. And so a chronic depletion of power will manifest in animal abuse, then child and spousal abuse. We’ve heard the pattern before but maybe we’ve never understood it from a spiritual truth. It’s humanity’s great thirst for power. We see it in our world leaders, religious establishments, industries, on Wall Street, in the slums, in the suburbs, and at our kitchen tables. It is the Energy-Thirsty Cycle of Abuse (ETCA). It’s not the standard cycle of abuse, which is: tensions build, incident happens, followed by reconciliation, calm, and it starts again—a cycle that moves in a circle. This is different. The ETCA is: Individuals who are depleted of highly vibrating good energy suck energy from targets around them by way of physical, emotional, verbal, or mental abuse, however because this source can and will never keep the energy-empty monster’s power source ‘up’, they escalate their abuse over time in order to attempt bigger or lasting power rushes, yet no matter what they do they can not be satisfied or fulfilled because they are in flow with one of the lowest energy strata of: “Indifference”, “Ignorance”, or “Hell.” This cycle moves in downward devolution, inverting the transfer of power to a lower level. If caught up here you are actually handing over power to the mother of all darkness.
Be aware of the energy-empty. Just by your awareness you can break their power over you, it’s both simple and magical. To put an end to abuse and negativity we need to understand and deploy to good use the phenomenon of viral energy.
Our higher selves do not hurt each other, harm animals, cause war, or discord with nature of any kind. It’s time to find another way to get fueled. It’s time to lift the curtain between wanting and awareness. This is a wake up call.