Don’t Be A Dancing Bear

“Ask Penelope” Advice Column Q&A

Q. Two weeks ago, when visiting a professional office, I met a man who really left an impression on me. I felt like we had a cosmic connection and I would love to date him. I later did a little social media recon and learned that he’s single. So I returned to his office a few days later, with thank-you-baked-goods for the work that the team there had done for me, of course hoping to interact with this special man again. He came out to the waiting area, thanked me for the banana bread, we spoke for 15 minutes, I gave him my business card with contact information for the second time, then I left. It’s been a week or so since then and I haven’t heard from him; I fully expected to. I assumed that we both felt a connection so why isn’t he calling me? Should I reach out to him again to make sure that he knows that I’m single and interested? 
— Amy
A. Dear Amy, Since I know that you are a single woman, I’m sure that you’ve already read and highlighted the crap out of the bestselling book, He’s Just Not That Into You: The No-Excuses Truth To Understanding Guys by Greg Behrendt. If you have, read it again. If you haven’t, get it and read it. To answer your first question, he’s not calling because, although your phone number was hand-delivered like a hot pizza, he hasn’t been moved to dial or text you. And you will likely never know why, it’s just life and you don’t always get to know why. Look, if a man wants to get a hold of you, he will. Period. You don’t have to be a dancing bear to get his attention. If he likes you, he’ll find out your relationship status, your phone number, your age, and the name of your favorite restaurant! As for your second question, should you reach out again? No. Most men want what they have to work for (the rare diamond); they pride The One that they had to track down and capture. (Not the pizza at the door). You’re wonderful! Move on my dear.


Author’s Note: Circuses have historically made bears dance to entertain people, wearing pink tutus and all. A dancing bear is a symbol of trying to get attention, and looking ridiculous. (Da dadada dada da da da!) The analogy is: Bears don’t dance; Women don’t court men. It’s unnatural and it doesn’t work.

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