Viral Energy Sparks

The Modern Dating Dilemma

Maybe you know someone who is an amazing catch, yet they just can’t seem to turn dating into a commitment. They’re always going on first dates, or stretches of a few weeks or months of dating. But then, they report that “it just didn’t work out,” the other person was just not for them. And maybe you know someone who tends to have relationships lasting even a year or more, and then, they still fall apart. (It could be that that person is you.)

In nearly every case like this, the primary issue that keeps someone from the stability and love of a long-term relationship lies in the fact that they refuse to let suitors see the real them—they are not being honest about what they really want in a relationship.

Dating is very confusing these days. Single people are much more concerned about swiping left or right, than they are about organic interactions or how they engage with people face-to-face and what energetic impressions they’re giving off. The dating culture today has morphed into the popular acceptance of “hooking up” in place of traditional courting.

More often than not, people don’t go on traditional dates anymore because women have bought into (and have actually created) the new norm of ladies paying for dinner, or splitting the bill. Before you freak out about women’s liberation, read on…

It all started with our desire to be taken seriously, be in control, be equal, and be fair: all fabulous and necessary advancements in gender roles. However, what ensued was colossal awkwardness at the moment of the dreaded check arriving to the table. Men didn’t know if women really wanted to pay as a stand of equality, or if they secretly wanted the man to insist on covering the check. Women felt that they were doing the modern and expected gesture, then later felt less than revered whenever a man accepted the offer. (The truth is that in their heart of hearts, many women feel devalued when men don’t put up a fight and provide for them.)

And so, romance was replaced by uncomfortability. The more men were convinced that women wished to pay for dates (or go “dutch”), the more men pulled back from their inclination to be caretakers. The more confusion and discomfort grew around dating, the easier it got to drop dating and romance and go directly to sex.

All of this has created a dating culture in which men no longer get to wine and dine and chase and court women (which they love to do, by the way), and instead of working to earn the “rare diamond,” it all became too ease and therefore unfulfilling. You see, a man imprints on a woman to the degree by which he has to invest time and attention (and even money) into earning the woman’s affection. It’s just the way it is. But nowadays, we’re all lying to ourselves and to each other about what we really want.

So, who will drop the pretense first? Perhaps now is a good time to start being honest about what you would really love in a mate. Though let’s be clear (in case you didn’t get the inference)—your happiness in a relationship has very little to do with whom pays for a dinner date, yet has everything to do with being true-faced. To get what you wish for, you need to own what you want.

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